What would RTH do?

That is the question.

If I were in a highschool yearbook, they would vote me most likely to die of a lynch mob. That does not prevent me from opening my mouth and serving a warm hearty cup of STFU to people who deserve it. My dark scathing humor will leave no matter of existence untouched. My innocence will touch your soul.

Welcome to a warped world turned inside out and upside down. All sorts of discretion advised.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The WRATH Family story

Because it is freaking amazing and twisted. Wrath = RTH + Ajnu

WRATH Family Story

The Saga Begins

First there was Baz and ROA. Baz was a driver, ROA was a princess. They had a passionate love affair. Upon marriage Baz crashed the car and they died.

By the grace of the Dark Lord Hades they were reborn.

The Saga Continues

I am a girl. Ajnu is a girl. ROA is a girl. We all are girls. I proposed to Ajnu while debating in DM and then to Ajnu and ROA after TRP contest. Ajnu is my current wifey, we eloped in December. ROA is my ex wifey, she left me so I could be with my one true love Ajnu. ROA is also my adopted child.

Before I entered the picture ROA was married to Ajnu, MS as well as Mahi. ROA is extremely messed up and blurs all relationships. Karan is family boyfriend who is also a mommy too. OBJ is Karan's love child from a secret affair with either me or Ajnu. He is big brother of ROA. Although ROA has always wanted to Chiggy Wiggy with him and he goes *chatak*. Karan bhai adores ROA behen, and will kidnap anyone even Aamir Khan for her. The family boyfriend is also a kaanta in mine and Ajnu's hearts.

After breaking up with me so I could realize true love, ROA married MS. MS is also a girl. What happened to the other wives no one knows. ROA had four or even more at some point, we lose count. The wedding was hosted and officiated by Prince Baz. Honeymoons of both IF weddings are pending. Ajnu has promised honeymoon is summer. It will be stormy. MS and ROA are very secretive, but they sing sexy songs.

Gumsum says Karan is her mommy. So Gumsum has four mommies. Apart from being a girl, I also happen to be a hapless antelope in the Serengeti being hunted by the vicious predator Gauri. There is a light switch in our house Cloddy is fond off. Even Karan and OBJ have shown some strange affections to this light switch. No one has seen as much action as this electrifying light switch. There is also one aanchal flying in the windy. Cloddy and I collect aanchals. All the boys gave me their aanchal, so Cloddy is helping me share the load. POH fits somehow in all this, he thinks. Maybe POH has the longest aanchal.

Shak is trying to be part of the family. He blushes for RTH and he Chiggy Wiggy with ROA. But they both push and shove each other for RTH. Ajnu will give them a death glare for it. Perfangel volunteered to be part of the family, but it is very confusing. Is she doing it for the light switch? Is she a mommy, wifey, sister or what? All the roles are mixed up in this family. I am sure in due time we will figure it out.

Sneha fits in somehow,she is a Cappy like me and MS but also finds herself to be Ajnu's twin. Sneha has the benefits of all three of us, so her relationship statuses are even more messy.

Summer observes it all and will one day write an epic saga like Homer. He will be guided spiritually by Mister. K who will explain the philosophy of the WRATH family. Dream will come and bake brownies for everyone.

We do not know anything about Debayon, except that he is not gay. Or so he repeatedly reasserts. We know he is life buoy though.

I am omnisexual because it is ubercool and OBJ thinks it is awesome and POH contemplates if it is possible. Everyone else is as straight as a rainbow and as bent as an arrow. LOL hspace5

King Leonidas screams and says THIS IS IF!!!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Focus

Well this is not a resolution since I do not believe in them. However, last year I had planned to focus more on writing and less on other distractions. I have not been able to keep up with my resolve to myself. It seems like I go through the same spiral over and over.

So here is simply to hoping for more focus on the more important things in life like writing and that MBA. Hoping to have enough focus to keep guilty pleasures and distractions just momentary.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Raped in the face

Ever since I heard the infamous song in Hamlet 2, I have been curious of what one meant by being raped in the face. Quite a peculiar statement to make, or so I thought. Until recently, I have been compelled to experience such violations of my oral cavity.

Now while I have a great propensity towards technology and technological gadgets like computers, i-pods, and smart phones there are certain areas where the line is drawn. One such technological invention that has always perturbed me is the electrical toothbrush, mechanical toothbrush or whatever you call it.

I enjoy brushing my teeth. In fact brushing my teeth to me is something like me time. For some reason I extract the very same pleasure out of brushing my teeth that women extract from spa treatments or such. Not that my teeth are any cleaner due to this. As a matter of fact they are very much coffee stained. But brushing my teeth is a pleasurable activity.

For example in the morning I like to have a brush hanging from my mouth as I gaze into the mirror with a glassy look in my eyes. I like to dangle a brush in my mouth and see if I can maneuver it with my tongue in order to brush. I like to be in control and in charge. Sometimes, I like to chomp down hard on the bristles and the rubbery back of a brush and show it who's boss. It may make my gums bleed but the bite marks on it speak volumes. There are also those times I like to take a good half hour to brush my teeth because the oral stimulation is simultaneously causing me to post something very interesting online. Then there are also those moments where I just like to streak the brush across my incisors and run off, because I am running late as usual. So these are the many little ways in which I extract little pleasures of life from brushing my teeth. An activity that needs to modern technology. It is pleasurable without gadgets.

Unfortunately, my family swears by these electric brush thingies. They bought me one once and it mysteriously got lost in a few days. They have been pestering me to buy a new mechanical brush thingie for a very long time now. Finally my dad broke down and decided to drop ninety dollars at Costco to get me a Sonic Care brush. The latest. Apparently it is supposed to work wonders for my oral cavity.

So now I have a ninety dollar piece of equipment that I am obligated to use. I turned it on and it was quite terrifying really. The bristles rotate rapidly, and I am kind of worried that I cannot chomp down on it. The piece of equipment is pretty heavy. I don't think my tongue can maneuver it, nor do I think that it would be conducive to lolling in the mouth and staring about. It looks like a vibrator, but for a different purpose and cavity.

I inserted it in and then I experienced the agony. A mini vibrator in my oral cavity was raping my face. It took a life of its own and explored around on its own. All the while buzzing and rubbing around in an extremely violating manner. It thrust itself on its own, grinding over my teeth, proclaiming loudly that the new overlord of the oral cavity had arrived. Worst, it did not believe in quickies, doing its job and getting out. It feels the need to take its time and has some sort of timer built in. It won't stop till its done what it intended to. My mouth dribbles and drips with foamy white liquid. I have not figured out yet when and how to spit it out in this terrifying cycle.

So there it was, technology had raped me in the face. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go rape my face. I have to rape my face twice a day. Bleeding and cramps won't stop it. I have to rape my face.